Having children is tough?
No one is handed a “How To” book when their children are born.
In my experience, with having twins, everyone has an opinion on what good looks like or what should be done.
I know in the past this has made me question myself so many times.
As my children have gotten older, the challenges have changed. What I used to look on as difficult, I wonder now why I ever worried.
Perhaps the guilt has increased with the increase in the use of social media. People posting pictures making them look like superstars with happy families, not the stressed out, hoping we are making the right decision type of family that we can sometimes be.
Add to that, in today’s society, it is more common to see Mum’s returning to work full time, not just for the money, but also because they love the work they do.
So why is it then, that we after all that we achieve that we feel guilty for placing the kids in care so that we can do what we enjoy.
I have had so many moments of guilt, wondering if my children were somehow missing out because I had chosen to work full time.
There have been school carnivals and award days that I couldn’t attend because of deadlines or important meetings, and being absent all adds fuel to the guilt fire.
But is it what the children actually think?
If I were to ask my children whether I wasn’t giving them all the support they needed (and I have on days I have felt down), they would say, and have said, that I was the best mum in the world.
I’m all they know, and they know that I do all I can, along with my husband, to balance our work lives and time spent with them.
I sit down with them and discuss activities coming up and ask them how much it means to them. They know from previous discussions that although I would love to, that I can’t attend everything due to work commitments.
For the important events, such as end of year presentations, I ensure that I coordinate my time so that I’m there for them.
Any event, even sports on the weekends, I make sure I am there in not just person, but in full support. I see too many others at events on their phones, and miss important moments that include their child.
It is the best that I can commit to, and I know now it is enough.
Priorities have to be understood for it to work, and yes, I still get mother’s guilt, but in hindsight I put that down to just trying to be everything, all the time (which I know when I think sensibly is unrealistic).
This is one of the key steps in my 5-step methodology Taking The Mask Off, and is a critical part to ensuring that you love the life you live.
I coach women in male dominated industries how to stride confidently through whatever is thrown at them in their career and their life.
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