This is the final in our series on emotional intelligence.  This week, we’ll put the last four weeks together and summarise for you.

1.      Get to know yourself.  Identify the feelings you have in various situations.  It’s normal to have a range of emotions and developing the skill of naming them will help you select the ones you want to learn to control.

2.      There’s something calming about being able to identify a feeling you’re having.  The trick to achieving this is to step outside yourself when you do.  For example, don’t say, “I’m angry!”  Instead, say, “That’s anger.”  Suddenly, you are removed from the equation and this may have the effect of quickly reducing the intensity of your involvement in your emotion.  Reducing the intensity of the feeling is controlling it.

3.       Once your own emotions are under control, begin to identify those of others.  Become a student of body language and look for clusters of behaviours that lead to a conclusion about what others are thinking and feeling.  Never rely on a single observation (for example, arms folded = negativity.)  Single observations are notoriously unreliable for accurately identifying an emotion.  Put the whole package of readings together and you’ll be much closer to the truth.

4.      Empathy brings out the best in people.  It’s a trait that nurtures relationships and relaxes people who are on the receiving end of it.  As social beasts, knowing that another understands our feelings engenders confidence and warmth in that person. 

So here’s the wrap…

Projecting a calm and controlled image gives confidence to others.  Being able to identify the emotions of others may help to get to the bottom of the natural reservations people have to forming a relationship.  Learn to regard these unstated emotional responses as openings to further discuss how the relationship will be mutually beneficial.  Couple this with your naturally empathetic responses that lower people’s natural resistance to change and you’ll be well on your way to developing the confidence and trust that leads to a rewarding relationship.

A word of caution – be genuine.  Fakes are easy to spot.

We hope you have enjoyed this series, if you have missed any of the previous blogs and want to read the whole series go to If you would like the convenience of recieving this as an email please follow this link.

From those in Heels