Before I started writing why last book, The Cult of Dissatisfaction, I was in a very negative space. There had been a number of things over the years of my professional career that had gradually got me more and more down. This included pressures from the legal industry, events that increasingly caused me to doubt my abilities, and gender discrimination. Finally I hit rock bottom.
I was told by a mentor that I had created everything I had in my life. He meant this in an empowering way, because I have the power to change my life. But, at the time he said it, I hated most of the things in my life. So, to think that I had created all these things that I hated, caused me to hate myself. I admit, I had some suicidal thoughts. But, about a month later, I also had a physical response.
No body really knew, but I had a breakdown, in hindsight. All my energy disappeared. I began to get sick all the time. Other than work, I couldn’t do anything but sleep. No body but my husband saw the toll that my negativity was having on me. I eventually went to the doctor and had a lot of testing done. I also went to a naturopath and an energy healer. The doctor said there was nothing wrong with me, but clearly there was. The naturopath said it was chronic stress and helped me to restore my adrenal function, and clam my nerves. The energy healer cleared a build by of negative energy.
This was the road to recovery for me – turning around the dissatisfaction. But I couldn’t stop there.
I got a business coach, who is trained in NLP, and have done a lot of work on my mindset at the same time as working on my business goals.
I stopped listening to so many business podcasts, because they were jut making me feel dissatisfied with my own business, and like I was a failure. Instead, I began listening to audio that was inspiring and uplifting – stories not related to business, as well as audio books on manifesting and the law of attraction.
By being dissatisfied and negative, I was attracting more and more of that into my life, and spiralling down and down and down. I put a stop to it, and now consciously put things in place in my life everyday to ensure that I am spiralling up and up and up.
I introduced meditation into my life – but not in the usual way, because I cannot sit still whilst I am conscious! Instead, I listen to a guided mediation to get me to sleep, and the words take affect in my subconscious as I drift into sleep.
I have tried affirmations in the past, but they haven’t usually worked for me, because it feels fake and tedious. Instead, what I did was record myself speaking the affirmations – it’s about a ten minutes track that I listen to in the car each morning. It is amazing what effect affirmations have when you hear your own voice saying them to you, instead of you saying them yourself!
Finally, the most important and the hardest thing to do, has been to get to know myself properly and love myself. I have had to realise the value that I bring to the world, and the knowledge that I have to offer. I have had to forgive myself for all the horrible things I have said to myself over the years, and let it all go. I have had to find things that I appreciate about myself – my health, my intelligence, my strength, my capacity, my integrity – and be grateful for what I already have. It is a continual process, and if I don’t keep working at it everyday, just like my fitness, then I could fall back into negativity. I am approaching this like a mental fitness regime, and it is working, because life is great! Please reach out to me if you relate to anything that I have been through.