This is the second last in our series on emotional intelligence.  As described in the opening blog, EI may be defined as identifying and controlling personal emotions and the emotions of others.  As mentioned previously, at Business in Heels, we do not endorse manipulating people for personal gain.  Such gains are short-term, damage your reputation and make you someone others don’t want to be around.  This is not what we’re about.

Okay, now that the disclaimer is out of the way…

Negotiation is all about influencing another party to see the world your way.  When taking part in a discussion where one person is trying to sell something (that’s what influencing is), chances are the other is trying to answer this question –“What’s in it for me?”

Then comes the chase.  The seller plays up the benefits of their widgets and the hunted invents reasons they won’t work.  Why?  Because this method ignores ego.  Our egos force us to retain control of situations.  Being sold to ignores a basic human need – we want to independently decide to buy.

And that’s just the spoken side of the transaction.  What’s going on with the non-verbal emotional communication in this scenario?  Remember… the other 70%?

People often display their negativity non-verbally before they do verbally.  They recline, look away, redirect their posture, roll eyes, fold arms, narrow eyes, step back and raise hands to form a barrier.  It’s hard to recover from here – so avoid it by not selling in the first place!

Maybe there’s a better way…

Empathy is a wonderful thing.  It lowers people’s guard and puts you in the frame of mind to be helpful.  Demonstrate your empathy for the person you are trying to form a relationship with by listening, nodding and reflecting their body language.  Understand their emotions by being tuned into their body language and asking gentle questions when their comments don’t fully explain their demeanour.  Being genuinely interested in people’s welfare will take you out of sales mode and allow you to become a person others want to deal with.

Now your test .. Is she confident or not?

Next week, we’ll bring it all together!

We hope you find this blog engaging and thought provoking. If you would like this delivered directly into your inbox then please follow this link.

From those in Heels