Speak on it. Talk before resentment steps in. I tell all of my clients that. So many turn to silence when their significant other has done something wrong, or having done something that upsets them. Ahh….silence. The preferred method to miscommunicate our feelings. While I am a huge proponent of practicing the pause, the pause should not be a complete stand still. Let’s explore.
When we’re feeling rushed, troubled or misunderstood, it is good to take the necessary time to collect our thoughts. This serves two purposes. First, you want to be sure that you can accurately process the information, to better articulate it. Secondly, you want to make sure that you are honoring your spirit. There is nothing worse (metaphorically speaking) than acting against your better judgement. But we do it. We do it when we get quiet and have no plan to discuss that which is going on inside of our head. This is so damaging to our relationships. We must use that silence for good. Not as a vehicle to punish.
Let me break it down for you. Has your partner ever asked what’s wrong? And you answer, “I’m fine.” OMG! The two dreaded words that pack a powerful punch. Your partner knows it’s coming. You know it’s coming. Only you use the silence to play out scenarios in your head, that really have nothing to do with what is really going on. You’re checking your list. You’ve kept score. It’s coming…….and everybody knows it.
Let me talk to you for a minute. Stop it! Your pause should last no longer than a day…..tops. Do you know why you should never go to bed angry with your partner? Because it rarely works out if there hasn’t been some middle ground established to build from. We have got to learn to speak on it. If it bothers you, take some time and get yourself collected. Hit the gym, meditate, enjoy a glass of wine, or go for a walk. Think about bringing peace to your problem, not punishment. And too much silence is punishment. Why do you think they call it the silent treatment? Because it is meant to incite pain. So stop.
Speak on it. You would want to know if you did something that bothered your partner, wouldn’t you? It’s simply not fair controlling another, without offering a means to course correct. Value yourself, partner and relationship by speaking on it. Because we all hit a bump in the road at some point. And you know what doesn’t help? Not telling your partner there’s a bump in the road, and allowing them to hit it.
Article by Vance Larson.
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