Lets face it…
No matter how good or strong our relationships have been, every now and then we can find ourselves feeling like that magic is fading. We can feel taken for granted, feeling unappreciated and undervalued, like the fireworks have packed up for the year or possibly EVER!
Many of us will sit in quiet discontent, stewing away about what was, or what could have been. Maybe drop “subtle” hints which our partner feels are more sledge- hammer like, or start nagging about it. Others cry to our trusted confidants about it, or find silent solace in a glass of wine or three.
Once we pass through the honeymoon phase of our marriage or relationship – and for a lot of us that can take a few years still – then…we can get rather comfortable. We can allow the noise to drown out that amazing focus we once had on our partner, how intutive we once were about our needs and wants, the flirting slows down to a stop and probably so do the texts, and even all those quirks you once adored are becoming .. well… not so. Like grating your nails down the chalk board.
Maybe we are working SO HARD in and on our businesses, that we forget that apart from our full time committment to that AND the family, we start to forget our other full time committment to our partner. We stop going to all the effort of looking our best, you know: the hair, the outfits, the lingerie, and wearing the makeup at every hour we’re together (even in the bath). The visits to the restaurants have are far less frequent and usually now reserved for birthdays, or maybe been replaced by the meal at the local, or after going to the footy on a Saturday afternoon. Maybe we put on a few kilos, maybe so do they. One or both of you just want to stay at home and swap the wine and cheeseboards for wine and a block of chocolate at night …with hair up, trackies on and potentially the fuzzy slippers. Your partner hasn’t brought you flowers in who knows when, and dont get me started on how much kids can become the instant contraception!! Suddenly we look at these reality-TV relationship programs like they’re a day in our life…
So whats the solution?
What if I told you that the power to change this scenario is quite possibly in your own hands by simply embracing the power of planning and a little effort? Yes its that simple and with the right process, you could be amazed by the results!
Heres a few tips to start you off:
1. Reminisce
Take the time to revisit the beginning, to reminisce about all the fun times and the things you both did together was all part of reconnecting and finding that flame again? Finding the inspiration to seek out the positive. And as strong, intelligent and resourceful women, sometimes in order to get what we need in life means taking the lead, creating your ideal path and then grabbing their hand along the way! Casually talk to him or her about what you used to enjoy, what they used to enjoy, places you used to go, how much you used to laugh. Get the ball rolling.
2. Write it all down
Get your journal out or buy a new one, and get writing! From start to finish and everything in between, record what was memorable, what mattered to you then, and what matters to you now. Who you are as a woman and what you need in this phase of your life to bring you joy and happiness with your partner and from them. Do you still like the same things as you did in the beginning or have you grown as a person? Do you enjoy gardens rather than beergardens? Walks on the beach instead of just tanning? Long baths instead of long nights? Once you put this into words you may realise that what you perceive to be missing out on is not as overwhelming as you have manifested. its just different, And if it is, then what can you do to change it?
3. Set yourself a goal
Dont just sigh about what you dont have. Decide what you want. Know what you want, make a plan and then GO OUT AND GET IT!! Look for where you can make time and how often things like this are important to you and your relationship. You’ll probably find that in the process your partner is feeling exactly the same inside! Cant see yourself getting a few spare hours a week? Then what about a fortnight? Try to be considerate of your own financial circumstances because the bills still keep coming in and not necessarily does expensive mean the best experience! Work with what you have.
4. Brainstorm
When was the last time you did anything locally, or is EVERYTHING now local? Centered around the office, kids school, your street or suburb? Look outside the square and be adventurous! Start with Google, and from there utilise all of your resources. Write a list with the intention of creating enjoyable or maybe even an exciting occassions and then keep the list to yourself …for now.
Have I got your minds thinking yet?
5. Start PLANNING!
Grab that calender and commit to one date a fortnight to start. Or a week if you have that luxury. Ask you partner for 20 minutes to sync calenders, and lock these dates in. No excuses or “I’ll do it later”. It doesnt have to be perfect, you just have to make a start to the plan. Make sure you eliminate those conferences, networking nights, shift work, precommittments with family and friends and then assess what is left. Its up to you whether you tell them why, but when you do, make it clear that part of the agreement is that you BOTH contribute to the exercise. And make sure you line up your baby sitters!
Be brave ladies, and be the one to start. Not because you have to, but because you can be the change you want to see. Your action can become the first domino in a string of really fun and enjoyable reoccurring events. And if you’re not in a relationship, this can still apply to you! Think about an important person in your life that you just DO NOT seem to find the time to spend with like you used to. Best friend, childhood friend, sibling, parent, colleague… the same rules apply! Limitless possibilities await.
Relationships are important, and they give us strength as well as stability. But its not just about what they can provide you. They need to be constantly nurtured, with the right balance of give and take. Before you know it, you will be on your way to creating a new routine for yourself, and perhaps new and enjoyable memories.
Its all in the planning…..!
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If this sounds like something that appeals to you, and you’d like to roll up your sleeves, enjoy a glass of bubbly and have fun putting these tips into a more tangible plan, why not join me at my next Date Night Calender workshop at “Our Place Camberwell” in Melbourne?
Bookings can be made through the Trybooking website by clicking HERE.
Tickets are $49 per person, or as a special offer to ensure your partner comes along too… pay just $1.00 more for a couples ticket!!
And for Business in Heels Members, you get a 10% discount by using promotional code BIHDATENIGHT
If you’re a little too far away, why not contact me direct on my Business In Heels profile and we could discuss a tailored personal program in Xchange for your services?
Samantha Grixti
